I’ve spent most of today in bed with a serious bout of baby fever.
Okay, so I don’t actually have to be in bed for this. But I might as well be, seeing as how useless I’ve been because of it. The worst part is that I have nothing to do! I have nothing of importance to do to distract me from how terribly I want a baby. (Yes. I know I’m 22, and I know I’m an idiot). In a valiant effort to stave off baby pangs, I decided to start a new knitting project, a complicated hat! So I set about Ravelry to try to find a new pattern. All I found were patterns for adorable baby hats with pictures of adorable babies wearing said adorable hats. Cruel world.
Even as I write this, and my husband laughs at me as he reads over my shoulder, I know how silly I’m being. I know that if I have to wait a couple years for a baby, it’s far from “the world’s end” as Andreas puts it. I know plenty of people have to wait plenty more years than I have, and I know how lucky I am. But dammit, I still want a baby, and I still want it now.
I even considered making a long list of entries like “do ten push-ups” and “wash your face twice” and making myself do one thing on the list each time I think about babies. Drastic, I know. But it’s like…what if you suddenly really wanted to eat pizza. And what if you KNEW you could have pizza next month, but until then you had nothing to do but think about a melty, gooey piece of pizza with a thick, chewy crust, tangy sauce and molten cheese.
I’m beginning to feel again like I don’t have anything to contribute. I don’t have (and can’t get) a job here yet, and since we’ve been staying with my in-laws, I can’t exactly busy myself with homemaking. And to boot, I feel like I’m trying to keep up this blog and have nothing interesting to report. And at the same time, I know, in the back of my mind, that moving across the ocean to start my life over here is one of the most interesting things I’ll do in my whole life and I can’t seem to stop thinking about how boring it seems to be.
A baby would definitely spice things up. Haha. Just kidding. *sigh*
