I have always, always been a really vivid dreamer. That means that since I was a kid, I had awful nightmares (mostly about my dad being executed, or being run over by things) but also ultra-realistic good dreams (like the time I dreamt I got a kitten and it was sleeping on the en of my bed. Boy was I sad to wake up that morning.) But I’ve also just always had a lot of dreams. A lot. Which is probably the reason I tend to dream the same sort of dreams over and over.
When I got pregnant, my dreams kicked it up a notch. I’m usually able to remember my dreams at least 3-4 times a week, but suddenly I was dreaming every night, all night. I’ve dreamt the baby is a girl. I’ve dreamt the baby is a boy. I’ve dreamt the baby is five years old and I’m still pregnant with it. I’ve dreamt the baby was a girl, but we had to give it up for adoption to three lesbians who were all married to each other, and then when we went to visit the baby a month later, it was a boy, nine years old, and had a full beard.
One dream I’ve had throughout my entire life is the buffet dream. It’s always in different settings, with different foods, but the gist is this: I’m at a buffet and EVERYTHING looks good. I take a little bit of everything, worrying the whole time that I’ll have to pay extra for taking too many of a certain category of food (this was sort of a big deal at our school lunches, so I think it’s an ingrained anxiety by now), and then…well, then I get to the dessert section, but my plate is already full!!! But I end up taking a massive amount of desserts anyway, hoping that “eclairs” is its own food category, and then, before I get to eat, I wake up. I’ve had that dream far, far too many times to count, but since I’ve moved to Denmark and been pregnant, it’s changed.
I still have the dream, but now, instead of everything looking really, really delicious, everything is sort of “meh.” It’s not gross, but I don’t feel the need to take too much of anything. I even had a candy store dream where I had specific candies I was going to look for, but they were all out, and nothing else really looked good to me.
Now, I’m going to go all dream-interpretty on you all. All my life, I always felt like there were so many things that I wanted, that I needed that I was just waiting for, that I couldn’t get yet. I wanted a certain toy, my own room, my mom to let me watch Friends, a boyfriend, to move out of the house, to have more time for friends, to marry Andreas, to move to Denmark, and always, always, to have babies. Suddenly, I’m pretty content. I have pretty much all the big things I’ve been reaching for. Sure, I still have goals and little things that I want (like to be a midwife, and to have Skittles) but I’m thinking my dreams are reflecting my “no thanks, I’ve got what I need” attitude that I’ve been lucky enough to find for the time being!
Or maybe it just means that my belly is always so full of baby that there’s no room for dream-me to even want to gorge on delicacies.
As for all the rest of the weird dreams, they don’t mean anything. Only this one.