I left the states almost five months ago today, and moved to Sweden about three months ago. As anyone who’s read a scattering of these posts will know, I have my ups and my downs, and while lately I had a pretty long “down” period, I feel like I really snapped out of it this past Wednesday.
I’d been feeling rather useless, and like the only thing I can do is wait. Wait for my visa to come through, wait until I’ll be able to go to school again, get a job again, and honestly, wait for starting our family. This hasn’t changed, it’s still true, but I’ve been feeling much better. On Wednesday, I was busy. I probably haven’t been that “busy” since I was preparing for my big move. I spent the day with my nephew, since it was a holiday here in Sweden (so daycare was closed) but his mom still had to go to school since she studies in Denmark. We started off going to the park nearby, armed with a skateboard, a bicycle and a lot of energy. The park was a blast. We made a castle for some ants, studied a spider, and got to play on some pretty sweet playground equipment. I even had a discussion in some sort of Swedish/Danish hybrid language withe one of the parents there, and plucked up the courage to say hi to someone I had met once before, and recognized after I heard him speaking English to his (very cute) son.
After a few hours, we headed home, had a successful lunch, then had a neighbor boy over to play for a while, too. I talked to some of the neighbors, and met some I hadn’t really spoken to before, went on a walk, had coffee with my sister-in-law, got to play with a baby, and then after dinner went to my knitting group. I’m really glad that even though the first few times I went were really difficult for me, just because it was meeting new people, and I didn’t really have connections with them yet, like they all had with each other. However, it’s only gotten better every time, and even though this has been the biggest group yet, I felt comfortable talking to the people around me, and stayed after many of them left, which is my favorite part of any sort of party–when there are not as many people, and we can talk more easily. I felt really included, and was even able to open up about how difficult it can be to work up the courage to come. I even walked home with a few of the people, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more like I’m starting to have a life here. I was on a high that night, and couldn’t believe how wonderful the day had felt. Sure, it has taken the next day and a half to “recover” from everything, but those are the days that I need every once in a while, to remind me that my efforts are paying off–not only my efforts to make sure I make friends and meet people, but also my efforts in learning to speak Danish, and to understand Swedish.
As I type this, I realize that even though I’m just waiting, and waiting for a chance to really begin the next phase of my life, I’m going to miss living in Malmö. I’m going to miss the people, our apartment(s), knitting group, living so close to family, and the long, quiet, peaceful days. So as hard as it is sometimes, I’m grateful to have this time to take a step back and wait.
Our next step in life is going to be a really big one, and it’s going to be hard and exciting and I’m looking forward to it so much. But I’m also glad I’ve had this time to sort of “prepare” myself for it. I’m really grateful that I have the chance to really examine myself, figure out how I work best, and also to have a chance to focus on my relationship with my husband before we become a bigger family.
Now, if I could just get the sun to shine, I’d be thankful for that, too…