Coming Home

We’re back in Copenhagen, after a weekend in Odense, visiting Andreas’s family and having our first Thanksgiving!  It was also Andreas’s and my first Thanksgiving as a couple.  Even though all the time apart during dating and even after we were married was difficult, it’s kind of exciting that we still have some firsts to experience together.

This weekend, was also the time I felt most at home with Andreas’s family.  He stayed in Copenhagen to party it up (read: play indoor hockey) with some of his coworkers, so he wasn’t around for Friday, or a lot of Saturday (seeing as he was so tired from being out late the night before that he fell asleep at 8 pm) but it didn’t seem to really make a difference to me.  I definitely missed him still when he was gone (just because we’ve spent nearly a year apart in the past, doesn’t mean that I still don’t miss him when he’s gone for a day), but I was perfectly fine hanging out with his family on my own.  Just another thing to scribble onto the long list of things I’m grateful for this year.

Anyway, coming back home was wonderful, because we finally have one!  I really feel finally like we’re coming home.  Not coming to that place we’re staying for a few months while we wait to move to the next place we’ll stay for a few months.  So even though we’re missing a lot of important house-y things, I’m feeling more at home (in this particular apartment, and in Denmark in general) than I’ve felt in a long time, and that, I think, is really, really good for me.

I thought that making the Thanksgiving dinner my family makes would stave off my homesickness, and it did, in a way.  But to be honest, I was a lot less homesick than I thought I might be.  I couldn’t feel so lonely or far away from my home and family when I also feel like Denmark is my home and Andreas’s family also belongs a little bit to me.

PS–I still miss my family.

Breakfast for dinner and what ensued

Every week, while I meal-plan I try to include one meal we don’t make regularly, and see if it turns into something I can regularly put into our rotation.  Inspired by The Hemborg Wife, last week I chose to do breakfast for dinner!

We had banana waffles, sausages, and fruit salad, and I still had some maple syrup squirreled away.  My veggie sausages that I was trying for the first time tasted surprisingly delicious, and brought me back to the time of Lil’ Smokies (without the grizzle).  My Danish family, though was not so impressed by the combination of sweet and savory, and when they agreed that they didn’t like the waffles with the sausages, my lip started to tremble.

At first, I didn’t realize exactly why.  After all, this was not the first time that my American tastes differed from their Danish ones.  But suddenly, tears actually started to stream down my face, as I realized that I was suddenly, astonishingly homesick.  I wanted to sit at a table with someone who grew up with and liked the same things I liked.  I wanted them to agree with me that this was such an awesome dinner, and reminded them so much of when they were little.  And as I took another bite, I was struck by a sudden vivid memory and nostalgia overtook me.  Between bites and sobs, I told them the story:

I went to elementary school in a tiny town out in the country, called Maple Grove, named for the grove of maple trees it was built in the middle of.  Every year, the first grade class would learn about tapping trees, and making maple syrup.  They’d host a “pancake breakfast” which their parents and family attended, and put on a variety show, after which everyone would sit down and eat pancakes, Lil’ Smokies, fruit salad, and most importantly, eat it all with the maple syrup that had been made from the sap of the trees that the children had tapped themselves.    When I was in first grade, I could not have been more excited about the Pancake Breakfast.  My parents, having seven children, didn’t get to come to every parent-teacher conference, but they were coming to the pancake breakfast, and I couldn’t wait to have them in school, eat the maple syrup that “I made,” and read the poem I wrote about spring and tapping trees.  The night before, I had laid out my blue dress on the chair beside my bed, and went to sleep, no doubt dreaming in maple-syrup hues.  When I woke up, I hurried to put on the dress that I’d laid out the day before, but it wasn’t there!  Instead, was a new blue-and-white checked dress with a print of cherries on it that my mom had laid in its place.  I think this was the…well, cherry on top that put me over the edge.  When I was at school, I got an awful stomachache.  My teacher sent me to the secretary to call my parents, and on my way down the hallway, I started to cry, thinking I would miss the pancake breakfast, the day I’d been looking forward to for weeks!  Luckily, before I made it to the office, I let out a loud belch and suddenly felt all better.  Probably thanking the maple god, I headed back to my classroom, believing in miracles, and the day went off without a hitch.  We ate pancakes with maple syrup, I showed my parents my poem and my picture on the wall, I wore my dress with cherries on it, and I was a very, very happy little girl.

It’s a silly story, really, but I hadn’t thought about it in a long time, and with such a wave of nostalgia, it made me really homesick.  I miss Wisconsin in the summer.  I miss picking snap-peas and eating the peas out and replacing them with currents.  I miss enormous hollow-sounding watermelons, and counting mosquito bites.  I miss sitting inside, all the lights in the house turned off to keep it from getting too warm.  I even nostalgically miss everyone sitting around the kitchen table snapping beans to freeze for the winter, or sitting in a circle on the deck with an enormous mound of peas in the middle to pod, begging my older brothers and sisters to play “fortunately/unfortunately” (one person starts to tell a story, and the next person has to lead with “fortunately…(insert good thing)” the next leading with “unfortunately…(insert bad thing)” etc.).

It’s funny, what little things can spark such an emotional reaction.  I hope next year, we can make it to Wisconsin to visit in the summer, and I can eat cheese curds and drink root beer floats.

Homesickness

I just wrote “I don’t get homesick particularly easily” and then I had to make good use of my backspace key as I realized that is probably the opposite of the truth.  I get homesick super easily.  I’ve bounced the words “I want to go home” around in my head countless times, even if I was at home.  The words come so easily when I am uncomfortable wherever I am, be it a long day at work, at a good friend’s house filled with more good friends, out shopping, or even at home, in my own bedroom.

I think to me, “home” just means where I am most comfortable, and since I am uncomfortable in most places at least some of the time, I get homesick a lot.  The first image that pops into my mind when I close my eyes tightly and wish myself “home” is the kitchen table at my parents’ house.   My parents live in Wisconsin, the land of the long winters, and their old farmhouse is heated solely by a wood-burning stove located in the kitchen.  So for most of the year, we gather around the stove and hover in the kitchen, the warmest room.  I can remember us all standing around the wood stove, turning every once in a while so our backs were as toasty as our fronts, brushing our teeth.  I remember being so short that my face was level with the stove, and to stand front-side-forward was pleasantly painful.  I remember being a bit glad when, the next winter, I had literally “grown out” of that phase.

While browsing through old photos to feed my nostalgia, I found this! I very blurry slightly slanty picture of said wood-burning stove.

I’ve had two bolts of homesickness that struck particularly hard in the last couple days.  One was while I was in the shower one morning.  I had just run out of the shampoo I brought with me from the states, and it was my first time using the new shampoo. The new, sharper scent brought tears to my eyes, not because it was too strong, but just because it was so different.  I usually have nothing but praise for my new life and the new things in it (“oooooooh, baby buggies!” “ooooooh, store-brand Nutella!” “oooooooh, cobblestones!”) but that damn shampoo caught me at my weakest, and all I wished for was my own shampoo.  My shampoo.  Everything was suddenly different and unwelcome for a second.  I wished myself home, in my parents’ dimly lit bathroom, using my own, familiar shampoo, brushing my teeth with my beloved “cinnamint” toothpaste, and eating toast with butter, honey, and cinnamon.

It passed quickly, and I went on with my day, but the past couple of days, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my sisters-in-law who all came for Andreas’s birthday dinner and cake.  I love my new family, and I really like that they’re all fairly close together, so we can all gather on a somewhat regular basis, but in the midst of the festivities, I felt a mist of tears cloud my eyes.  I was having a lovely time, and felt so grateful for them, but at the same time, I felt a pang of “missing.”  I miss my family.  I miss us all being together (which hasn’t happened in probably at least……six, seven, eight years?  It is really neat to have such a spread-out family, but at the same time, I’ve only recently realized what I’m missing.  It was so lovely to have everyone gather as adults.  I got to play hostess, and it felt so nice to be able to serve food in our own apartment and have people sit around in our living room, and I realized that I may never get to do that with my own brothers and sisters.  Now that we’re all a bit older, we feel more like peers than we did when we were younger and five-year age difference was literally a lifetime.  I’m very grateful for having in-laws that I get along with splendidly, and I’m ever-so-grateful for Skype and the internet, but I can’t help feeling like I’m missing something really neat with my own siblings, and every time I think of it the homesickness comes in waves.  Emotional nausea, if you will.  Heh.

But I guess I might as well be optimistic.  We may very well all be able to reunite someday, so as far away as I feel now, I’ll just have faith that someday, we can all be together again and “hygge os” maybe even around that wood stove.

For now, I’ll make the best of my strong-smelling Swedish shampoo, and all of the wonderful people who are here with me.