I have never watched a Superbowl game before. In fact, I have never watched a whole football game before (although apparently I did try to watch part of one with my roommate when I was a freshman). But it somehow made sense to me that the first whole football game I watch be after I have left the states, so my husband Andreas (who also has never watched football) and I decided to sit down with some snacks and watch it. Kickoff was at 12:30 am, and snacks consisted of a piece of bread with ham salad, a carrot, an apple, and an orange. Bring on the football!
During the course of the game, we tried valiantly to figure out what was actually going on, but as it got closer and closer to morning, our commentary (which I was, of course, transcribing as it happened) got sillier and sillier, ranging from
Andreas: Timeout…what’s a timeout?
Andreas: Hi, I’m Brady, I’m made of bread.
First, we had to choose a team to cheer for:
Zeta: We have to pick someone to cheer for. It’s the New York Giants against the Patriots
Zeta: How about the Giants…because they’re…Giant! And also, I’m an ex-patriot. So we shouldn’t cheer for them.
Then we had to try to figure out how it worked:
Andreas: I think they have two points now.
Zeta: Two points? We can’t have two points. I thought you get seven points for a touchdown.
Andreas: What’s a touchdown?
Andreas: They had 12 men on the field? Are they only supposed to have eleven?
Zeta: Yes…yes, that’s the right number. I just saw that today in the picture with the Indian babies.
Andreas: What is this start here? They start by kicking it?
Zeta: Yeah, that’s called the kickoff
Andreas: And how does that work?
Zeta: They kick it…
Zeta: Maybe touchdowns are worth more or less, depending on how many downs it took them to get there. wouldn’t that make sense?
Andreas: Are you just guessing now?
Zeta: They have three points, why do they have three points?
Andreas: I think they kicked one over.
Zeta: See…I don’t get…why…when do they do that?
Then I had to explain to him some of the less critical aspects of the game:
Zeta: Oh, and then they dance.
Andreas: Every time?
Zeta: I don’t know…
Andreas: I wouldn’t dance.
Andreas: What’s with those things they have, hanging out of their pants?
Zeta: I think they’re sweat towels.
Andreas: What, so they can take a towel out of their crotch to wipe their forehead?
Zeta: Look, he’s fat, too! Look!
Andreas: Oh my God, he’s fat.
Zeta: See, there are certain players that can be fat, because they’re just supposed to be like…blocks. They don’t have to run that much.
Andreas: Yeah, but oh my GOD HE’S….well…I guess that’s kind of skinny for an American.
We also added our own spicy commentary, since the commentary on TV was in Danish and I wasn’t understanding much of it. Fortunately, our own was just as informative:
Andreas: The flag…he said…I think the flag is on the Giants, he said “something something something” so I think someone gets the flag…
Zeta: Look, you can see his leg fat jiggling
Andreas: Oh, I didn’t see it…
Zeta: It was in the background. Maybe they’ll show it again.
Andreas: This just seems like a game with men tumbling around, but there are so many crazy rules.
Zeta: Yes, they have to tumble in a certain way.
Of course, the halftime show was also noteworthy:
Andreas: See look, the Romans came, too.
Zeta: Oh, whew!…..they look oily.
Andreas: Well, you can’t be Roman without being oily.
Andreas: Who’s she?
Zeta: Nikki Minaj, I think…
Andreas: I just saw part of her buttcheek.
Zeta: How did she change her clothes so fast? I guess she just put it on over her other clothes
Andreas: Yeah…Plus, it’s Madonna. She probably practices changing her clothes every day.
Towards the end, I think we were getting a bit delirious:
Zeta: Brady has something on his arm like Buzz Lightyear and then he opens it and he talks to the other men.
All-in-all, it was really, really fun to try to figure out football with my husband, and though we weren’t very successful, at least now Andreas can have a real opinion about the sport:
Andreas: Man, there are a lot of boring breaks in this game…what the hell…
Andreas: This game looks not very hard at all! They have breaks all the time! Like compared to…….any other sport…
It was well-worth staying up until 4 am.