Today I ventured out, ignoring my nerves and acute homebody-syndrome, and went to a knitting group for international people. I spent most of the day being rather nervous about going, and the few hours before being really nervous about going, and the fifteen minutes prior to leaving being dreadfully nervous about going.
I’ve only met approximately one person since being here (and she was from the states to begin with) so I guess it makes sense that my anxiety would reach what felt like an all-time high today with the anticipation of meeting six whole new people! For the record, I met seven and they were absolutely lovely. It was a nice evening, cozy, and everyone was very nice and welcoming, although I think I was a bit too anxious to really appreciate it. I’m looking forward to the next meetings, and especially looking forward to being less nervous for them!
I don’t think this is something I’ll ever “get over” but I guess with practice, it may become easier. However, I’m still due to have a bit of a cry over it all (not because anything went wrong, but just because I spent so long strung out on anxiety that I need to let some of it out somehow). Something to look forward to tomorrow, I suppose, and then I’ll probably feel lots better.
This social anxiety stuff is an awfully bad trait for a person in my position to have, but I’m trying to use it as a learning and growing experience instead of just avoiding all social contact, because as I always end up discovering, being lonely and depressed is actually worse in the long run than suffering some adrenaline-streaked social events to pave the way for real friends.
Here’s to hoping I have the courage for more!