This is just one of those weeks.
One of those weeks where you get eight (eight!) skeins of yarn for your birthday and then immediately hack off a good portion of your fingernail while cutting onions so that you can’t knit until it’s healed. Where you finally bought a new pair of shorts and the weather immediately decides it’s not summer anymore. Where you stare out at the (appropriately) gray sky and think to yourself “what am I doing?” for the hundred and seventeenth time since you moved across the Atlantic. Where you cry every day about how long it will be until you have a job, a life, a baby (especially the baby part). Where you mope around all morning and afternoon waiting for someone to come on Skype to talk to, but they’re all in the wrong timezone. Where all you can do is Sudoku and sulk.
It’s one of those weeks.
I definitely don’t want to say I’m unhappy, but there are good days, great days, and those days, and these days are definitely of the latter sort. I’ve just been feeling rather lost, and I know the feeling will eventually pass (and eventually come back to visit again), but it’s still not fun when you’re in the midst of it. I know this is all normal, and I don’t know if anyone in my position would be able to feel any differently. I feel like my life is on hold and I’m just waiting…just passing the days until it starts back up again. Sometimes this can come as almost a relief, and I just relax and let the days slide by, but more often I feel like I’m in a difficult sort of limbo that I just can’t shake. Baby fever doesn’t help. At all. I feel that there’s really nothing I can do to help speed along the process, and feeling so out of control in your own life is discomfiting.
Honestly, I think a lot of this has been exacerbated by the fact that I’m one working finger down and can’t knit. Knitting is my go-to productive activity, and I think it gives me a feeling of triumph and satisfaction that even baking doesn’t (after all, I can’t send my baked goods to family and friends far away). I hope I’ll be able to pick it back up soon, but for now, I’ll just continue to practice my nine-fingered typing, and hopefully bring you a better, more optimistic post soon. I’m waiting on a package to reach my sister in Malaysia before I post pictures of the knitted things it contains, so hopefully it gets there soon and I can put up a long-procrastinated knitting show-off post!
Until then, I’ll try to cheer up. My husband just yelled from the other room “what’s with all the sighs?” as I checked the weather forecast (it’s supposed to rain straight through until Sunday). Maybe I’ll drink extra cups of hot coffee and cozy up with a few books until Sweden decides it’s summertime again. *sigh*