I saw this blog challenge first here and then followed it back to the original post here. I thought it was pretty neat, because I’ve been a bit more silent lately, and part of the reason is reluctance to share what’s going on, so I figured I’d take advantage of this challenge and be a little more transparent.
Things I’m Afraid to Tell You
1. I’m positive that I have serious issues with anxiety, both plain old social anxiety, and anxiety about life in general. All this time to myself in this brand-new life that I wasn’t really prepared for has really magnified it all and brought them to my attention, and while I’m doing my best to fix it by myself, I don’t think I can. The reason I’m most afraid to talk about it is that I don’t want to sound angsty and repeat myself all. the. time.
2. I’m actually pretty proud of the little things I do well, and I think about them when I’m feeling sad or a bit useless, even if I brush it off when people compliment me on them. For example: typing quickly, knitting quickly, learning language well, writing poems, and sometimes baking.
3. I’m so afraid that people will take my shyness as being standoffish or aloof that I tend to “overcompensate” by baking people treats, knitting them things, or leaving nice notes.
4. Sometimes, I need to be nicer to my husband. And also, less stubborn. I work on this every day, and I think I’m getting lots better.
5. I want children a ridiculous amount. Seriously. When I see a baby, my heart melts, when I hold a baby, I basically turn to jelly (not literally, though, phew! Don’t worry, I won’t drop your baby!) I browse pregnancy and baby blogs like nobody’s business, and I often feel like the only young, childless woman who does this.
6. I used to think I had really good self-esteem and body image. Turns out, I just had a great body. Even letting a few pounds of muscle laze their way into fat had turned me into a belly-fat-pinching, arm-fat-jiggling worrywart. It’s gotten better, but it’s not great.
7. I feel guilty for being so afraid all the time and not enjoying this awesome experience of living abroad enough. I feel like there are thousands of people who could “do it better” than I can.
8. I like watching reality TV (like Top Model, Project Runway, 16 and Pregnant, and all the shows about families on TLC).