Just one of those weeks…

This is just one of those weeks.

One of those weeks where you get eight (eight!) skeins of yarn for your birthday and then immediately hack off a good portion of your fingernail while cutting onions so that you can’t knit until it’s healed.  Where you finally bought a new pair of shorts and the weather immediately decides it’s not summer anymore.  Where you stare out at the (appropriately) gray sky and think to yourself “what am I doing?”  for the hundred and seventeenth time since you moved across the Atlantic.  Where you cry every day about how long it will be until you have a job, a life, a baby (especially the baby part).  Where you mope around all  morning and afternoon waiting for someone to come on Skype to talk to, but they’re all in the wrong timezone.  Where all you can do is Sudoku and sulk.

It’s one of those weeks.

I definitely don’t want to say I’m unhappy, but there are good days, great days, and those days, and these days are definitely of the latter sort.  I’ve just been feeling rather lost, and I know the feeling will eventually pass (and eventually come back to visit again), but it’s still not fun when you’re in the midst of it.  I know this is all normal, and I don’t know if anyone in my position would be able to feel any differently.  I feel like my life is on hold and I’m just waiting…just passing the days until it starts back up again.  Sometimes this can come as almost a relief, and I just relax and let the days slide  by, but more often I feel like I’m in a difficult sort of limbo that I just can’t shake.  Baby fever doesn’t help.  At all. I feel that there’s really nothing I can do to help speed along the process, and feeling so out of control in your own life is discomfiting.

Honestly, I think a lot of this has been exacerbated by the fact that I’m one working finger down and can’t knit.  Knitting is my go-to productive activity, and I think it gives me a feeling of triumph and satisfaction that even baking doesn’t (after all, I can’t send my baked goods to family and friends far away).  I hope I’ll be able to pick it back up soon, but for now, I’ll just continue to practice my nine-fingered typing, and hopefully bring you a better, more optimistic post soon.  I’m waiting on a package to reach my sister in Malaysia before I post pictures of the knitted things it contains, so hopefully it gets there soon and I can put up a long-procrastinated knitting show-off post!

Until then, I’ll try to cheer up.  My husband just yelled from the other room “what’s with all the sighs?” as I checked the weather forecast (it’s supposed to rain straight through until Sunday).  Maybe I’ll drink extra cups of hot coffee and cozy up with a few books until Sweden decides it’s summertime again.  *sigh*

14 thoughts on “Just one of those weeks…

  1. Dear Zeta… Maybe I should send you a copy of my book.

    Everything you wrote above, I have thought and lived, during my twenty years in Norway!
    Its almost as if I wrote the post myself.

    All I can say is, everything seems to work out in the end.
    So hang in there!

    • I think that “this is totally normal” is becoming my mantra, ha! And your book is definitely on my “to-read” list, I love all the blog posts, and can only imagine the book is that much better!

  2. Yes, you are right. It is normal, and we all have THOSE days, and they do go away (and come back), but when you are in the middle of it, knowing that doesn’t help much.
    For me, a good workout always helps. Or some yoga and meditation. Or putting on rain boots and going for a long walk.
    As for the baby part, you need to relax. It will all come when the time is right. Very often, women get pregnant when they get a pet first as they help us relax. Any chance you are a pet lover?
    I hope your finger will heal soon so you can knit away the sadness and anxiety! Until then a hot cup of coffee and a good book seem like the right thing to do.
    Best wishes from Mexico to Denmark!

    • It’s interesting, I recently started yoga, and make sure to do it every day (even if I’m not in the mood). I’m definitely a pet lover, but we’re not even trying, we’re just waiting until we get to a better place in life (e.g. a solid visa for me, and maybe having an apartment and just maybe some furniture) and then we can get to the whole trying business. I think when that time rolls around, I’ll also be in a better frame of mind for it all (and also be ready for a pet!) Thanks for the support 🙂

      • Oh, I am glad you picked up yoga! It can really transform your life if you let it happen.
        And I agree, a visa, an apartment and some furniture might be helpful… 😉 First things first, huh?
        Looking forward to reading more!

  3. I look forward to reading your posts and I get excited when I see you’ve posted something new. Keep writing, even if its not as “cheery” as you think it should be. Part of the reason I like reading your posts so much is because you are so real and honest. It sucks to feel down sometimes, and it sucks that you can’t do they things you normally do to remedy that feeling, but for God’s sake, please don’t stop writing about it! And know that we all have crappy days (or weeks or months) and it helps us all to be able to talk/write about it. Thanks for your honesty!

    • I’m so glad you feel that way! (By the way, the excitement about a new post is a mutual feeling. I’m even trying to hold back and not comment “this is exactly how I feel!” on everything you write!) I always notice that if I don’t post for a while, it’s usually because I’m not feeling the happiest or most inspired, but I want to make sure I write about those times too, because it’s just as big of a part of who I am and my life as the cheerfulness and adventure! The feedback from lovely people like you doesn’t hurt either. 😉

    • I will try! The weather forecast now predicts rain until Tuesday…maybe I should go out and find a place that sells puzzles…

  4. Hi. I’m also an American expat in Malmö. I know Kate Reuterswärd, whom I think you’ve met at least once (she mentioned you).

    And I’m familiar with this feeling. It seems like you know all the right things to do: get a hobby or two, indulge in things from home (TV shows, recipes), and live in the moment. I’ve found that the first year of living in a new country is the hardest, and then “those days” come a little more infrequently.

    Would you like to meet sometime? We could take a walk in the park or sit in a coffee shop. I’m leaving on Monday for a month-long trip, but today or tomorrow (ok, super short notice, but it can be good to do something spontaneous!)? I don’t want to leave my phone number here, but you can e-mail me (do have you access to my email through the comments?) and we will set something up. No pressure, of course.

    • I always like to meet people who have been where I am! I did meet Kate, and it was great to talk to her (although I think maybe I came off, as I so often do, as a bit of a weirdo…haha!). I can’t find your email address, but feel free to drop me a message at zetajoon@gmail.com, and we can meet up, either soon or after your travels (I know how busy the few days before a big trip can be).

      • I hoped to have time today, but a few last minute things have come up, as they do before big trips. But we’ll plan to meet up when I’m back, and I’ll continue to read your blog! (you can also check mine, if you want, kindofquiet.blogspot.com; it’s really new, and I’m still figuring out some technical things, but it helps me keep up with it if I know a few people read it!) Have a great day!

  5. I certainly know the feeling and can relate. Everyone can- an expat or not. Maybe this should also be a sign that you need to branch out away from only having one activity that makes you happy. It takes time, but it will pull together.

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