Usually, learning to save things is something that one works towards, whether it has to do with money, or that last piece of cake left in the fridge. But for me, it’s a bad habit. When I was a kid, I would get a little bag of Halloween candy all to myself (most of it went into a big communal pile) and that little bag lasted at least until Thanksgiving, usually longer. I would have owned the Marshmallow Test as a child. I would save my activities booklets, not wanting to fill them in, until I outgrew them. In college, I would save treats in the fridge for so long they’d go bad or stale before I got to eat them. I’d save the good homework until last, only to have to rush through it right before class, and even though this summer was chilly, I saved soup until the fall because I wanted to get the atmosphere just right.
Over the years, I’ve actually been working on breaking the habit and loosening up a bit. I’ll eat the cake as soon as I feel like eating the cake, because goodness knows I’m going to feel like making another cake soon. As easy as it sounds to let yourself do something you really want to do, it’s actually really hard. The perspective of saving the good stuff for later is so ingrained into me that it’s hard to let go of. I like to feel like I “earned” something before I get it, even if the “earning” was simply waiting. I feel like I really earned this visa (though we are simply lucky, we didn’t really earn anything).
I was thinking about it today, and how silly I am when I make myself wait. I’m on the verge of starting the Game of Thrones series, but since we’re moving on Sunday, and we’re going to be internetless, I’m trying to save the book for reading during the long hours until Wednesday (when we get our internet again!). Now, this is dumb for many reasons, one of which is that the book is really, really long, and I’ll definitely not be done for ages.
But for now, I’ll enjoy my connection to the outside world, and keep saving my book until Sunday…unless I start it tomorrow *gasp*