At risk of sounding emo…

I’ve been sad kind of a lot recently.  It’s a mixture of a lot of things: having a lot to do, being stressed about any one of the hundred things I have to be stressed about, and facing huge life changes (and little mini ones, too).  Part of what’s really hit me within the last week, though, is loneliness.

Not loneliness in that I never see anyone, or I have no one to talk to or care about.  But Andreas has been sick for a week straight now.  I’ve been on nursing duty, which I actually generally really like, but I’ve also felt a bit like I needed taking care of recently.  When Andreas is sick, he just can’t be there for me in the way that he normally is.  That isn’t to say that he doesn’t want to be, or try to be.  But when you’re trying to pour out your woes to someone who’s cutting you off with their coughing every other word, it just doesn’t seem worth it.

I guess it just made me realize (again) that when Andreas can’t be there for me, I don’t really have anyone else.  Sure, I have my family and my friends, but they’re all really far away and have their own lives with their own stuff going on.  And I don’t want a proverbial shoulder to cry on.  I want a real shoulder to cry on.  I wouldn’t say that I have a super hard time making friends, even though I do get really anxious, nervous, and shy.  But I’m well aware that it takes a long time to really create the kind of friendship that I’m yearning for, and amidst all my other worries and life changes, it just seems like it’s not going to happen.

I worry that of the friends I have left from my “old life,” having a baby is going to distance most of them even more than they already are.  I’ve also heard that having a new baby in the house can be extremely isolating, and I’m worried that since I’m having mine before I’ve made any real, strong, solid social ties here, I’m just further dooming myself.

I don’t mean to sound like a super-downer, and these feelings will pass at some point (and show up again at some point later, I’m sure), but I do want to keep this blog as a sort of real portrayal of what my life has been like after the move across the water and before/during the starting-a-family thing, and a big part of my reality is loneliness, or rather worrying about loneliness.

More positive post coming up soon, hopefully!


9 thoughts on “At risk of sounding emo…

  1. Hey lady! When baby comes, you should totally find a “new mom’s” group to join! That would be something awesome to get you and baby out of the house–fresh air!!, help you explore, and meet new people. I’m sure the hospital, or whoever delivers your baby, would be able to point you in the direction of something like that. 🙂 Also, baby would do fine in a stroller while you join in a new knitting group, if you find one. Possibilities are endless! You can do it! 🙂

    • Thanks, Mevia! They actually do set up new-mom groups (providing there are enough new moms in your area) and I’m always on the lookout for a new knitting group 🙂 Thanks for the encouraging words, always helps!

  2. wow, it’s crazy how much this post reflects how I’ve been feeling lately (obviously with huge difference like the baby thing & living in another country…lol) but this kind of loneliness has hit me hard lately with the whole graduation thing coming up and me realizing how soon I will be leaving everyone and thinking about who I’ll really have left in the long-term and hoping I will still have real close friends in my adult life…..whiiicchh i realize is also kind of just a super-downer response to your post lol. but on the other hand, it’s always nice to know that other people feel the same way as you and that there really still are people who care about you whether or not you can see/talk to them often. 🙂

    • Thanks, Sophia! It helps a TON to know that other people feel/have felt/are going to feel the same way. It actually usually helps more than anything else! Hoping the graduating and moving away and starting “real life” goes smoothly, and don’t forget you always have a friend in Denmark!

  3. You are definitely not alone in this. Living abroad is isolating – it’s a wonderful time to get to know your significant other more, but you also rely on each other WAY more than you would “back home”. While I stay at home doing freelance alone, my husband goes to work and meets and talks to people every day….he doesn’t fully understand when I’m feeling lonesome because I have more free time to have coffee dates with my expat friends. They are sweet people, but our short time here doesn’t allow them to be a deep relationship/shoulder. So, I lean to him more than I would otherwise…it’s a strange balance we’re trying to get used to. So, just know its hard, but its normal and your expat community can sympathize. As far as baby, I don’t think you’re behind…I actually think it’ll open you up to new Mommy networks. Hopefully all of this worrying is for nothing 😉 and it’s just part of the anticipation that will go away once you have this sweet baby to take up your time! Cheers! (which reminds me, maybe wine will help! hehe)

    • Yeah, I’ve experienced the same with meeting lots of lovely people, but not staying in one place long enough to really form the bonds that I feel I’m missing. Lucky for us it seems like we have the most supportive husbands to be found who let us be a bit clingy once in a while 😉

  4. I know how you feel. Even though I have a couple of people here that I sometimes hang out with, my husband is the only real friend I have here. I miss him terribly even when he is just as work!

    And while I’m not pregnant yet (maybe next year?), I have the same concerns you do about having a baby. I’ve been told that new mothers in Australia are automatically assigned to groups with other mothers who have children born around the same time so that they have a support circle and a playgroup for their child. Maybe there is a group like that you can join where you live? Or even just take some classes like pregnant lady yoga or pilates or something where you can start to meet other women who are at the same point in their lives as you are. It’s true that having a baby can sometimes distance you from friends who don’t have them, just like getting married can distance you from friends who are single, but the real friends will stick around no matter what and if you give it time, you will make new ones, too. 🙂

    • Yeah, I think that providing there are enough new mothers in a given area, they set up a mothers’ group, so I’m hoping that will work out for me, and I’ve definitely considered pregnant-lady yoga. I agree about the real friends sticking, and I’m also excited to be able to make new friends who are more in my general “phase” in life (the married/babies phase vs. the partying phase that most of my friends from college are still enjoying) because I feel like they’ll be more lasting friendships. As always, we’ll just have to see, but it’s always comforting to hear that others know where I’m coming from 🙂

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