And now we know why my belly was SO big.
Navigating the waters of the first week has been tough. After being induced (for going over by two weeks), we had a healthy baby, but I lost considerable amounts of blood, had to go to emergency surgery, then had a bad reaction to a blood transfusion which all left me very weak.
Not being able to hold my baby that first day after he was born was really tough, and it seemed like everything went the exact opposite of how I’d hoped it would go (apart from the fact that I didn’t get a C-section). But as of today, things seem to be looking up. I still can’t stand up for more than 15 minutes at a time, and nursing has been…just plain old painful, but I feel like things are getting better.
Anyway, I’m not sure how much I’ll get written here, though I feel like I have a lot to say! Posts come as naptimes allow.
I didn’t do photo of the day today. Partly because I was lazy, partly because I was tired, and partly because I was busy being a grumpus. The prompt of the day was “fast,” and let me tell you something…right now, nothing seems fast. Everything is moving at a snail’s pace, and I, for one, am dissatisfied.
I’m a week “overdue” and while I know it’s perfectly normal to give birth in the two weeks after a due date, that doesn’t make it easier to wait out. It doesn’t make it any more comfortable, and it doesn’t stop me from comparing myself to every other pregnant person who has given birth before they were a week overdue (or of being really, really jealous of them).
I’m being a big fat grumpus. (Literally.)
I got a chirpy email from one of those baby websites you sign up for, informing me that my baby was a week old. I closed it and grumbled, “Is not.”
I had frequent, uncomfortable Braxton-Hicks ALL DAY. Until now. When they just…vanished.
I’m grumpy about how difficult it is to do the laundry. How hard it is to load the bottom rack in the dishwasher, turn over in bed, and how often I have to pee (and how laughably slowly it comes out).
And all this probably makes the baby want to just stay in there, because who wants to be born to a great big grumpus?
So: No. I didn’t miss today’s daily photo because I was busy having a baby. I missed it because I was being a baby about not having a baby yet.
9. 2 o’clock: (lunch and Project Runway)
So today’s that infamous due date.
And I’m not having a baby today.
For the longest time, I convinced myself that I was going to go over my due date. The chances were good that I would, and I figured it would help ease the impatience at the end. However, a few weeks ago, when the end was nearing, I started getting a bit panicky that it really didn’t feel close. It didn’t feel real (at all), and the closer it got, the less real it seemed. I started telling myself all the time how soon it would be, trying to pound some sense of the reality of it all into my silly hormonal brain, and after doing that, it did start to feel a *bit* nearer. The closer we got, the more ready we were, until a couple of days ago, when I erased the last item from the To-Do Before Baby list and instead just wrote “Have a Baby!”
And now we’re all ready, and I’m as impatient as anyone ever is on their due date.
So much for all the mind tricks.
So for now, I’ll continue to notice every twinge, ache, and pull, hoping something will start soon, but not daring to get excited about anything (but getting a bit excited anyway). I’ll continue to drag my full-moon belly out for walks where not only children, but now also adults, tend to gape, and I’ll probably continue to have weepy breakdowns when I wrap my egg rolls incorrectly or my computer cord gets stuck in the desk chair wheel. And I’ll continue to wait.