Sometimes, Things Go Well

And they’re going pretty darn well right now.

Every day at daycare seems to go better than the last.  The last time he was there, he had a wonderful day, eaten lunch, and was dancing with joy when I came to pick him up, instead of howling.

We had a great day on Friday.  Theo behaved remarkably while we went out shopping with my sister-in-law, and when his cousins and aunt and uncle came for dinner, the kids all had a great time together, burgers were eaten, and it was just a fantastic day.

Today is his first day back at daycare, and although he was upset when I dropped him off, it didn’t seem as bad as it had been previously.  I’m anxious to pick him up today, and hear how his day went.

Right now, I’m trying to embrace the moment.  Theo is doing great.  I’m absolutely determined to enjoy my toddlerless mornings while I have the chance.  It’s discouraging to not have any positive news on the job-search front, but when I do get a job, I’d really regret it if I spent my at-home-alone time moping around instead of taking advantage of the quiet hours I’ve been given.

I have a few projects lined up for my extra free time.  At the moment, I’m only getting around to extra job searching, since that’s first priority.  But once Theo starts napping at day care, I’ll have a bit more time, and I plan to: read more, finally make an organized, physical binder of the recipes we use regularly, organize all the videos from the past two years, and maybe make a DVD of highlights for relatives, try more new recipes to see if I can find some more for our regular rotation.

One thing I’m worried might go down in quality when I start work is dinner!  That’s why I want to take this time to get super organized.  A binder full of printed, detailed recipes would be super helpful if I need Andreas to help more with dinner, and I’d love to expand our repertoire.  So now when I have a bit more time and energy, I’d like to find more quick and easy (or easy to make ahead of time) dinners for when things are a bit more hectic or busy.

It might just be a temporary optimism that has gotten its hold on me, but I’m enjoying it while it lasts, and really focusing on the things that are going great right now.  Now for a slice of pumpkin cheesecake and some well-deserved relax-time!

What’s Happening

It’s 13 days into the new year, and I just wanted to give a quick update.

The first…ten days or so were awful.  We were recovering from the holidays, Theo got sick, then he started in daycare, and I got sick, and he stopped sleeping, and was miserable, and nothing was regular.  I was suddenly sling-shot (slung-shot?) back into the newborn/colic/what-do-we-do-and-when-will-this-be-over? days.  I was tired and sad and irrationally worried that we had lost our happy boy, made a huge mistake, and ruined everything.

But last night, he slept through the night.  Yesterday, he was happy ALL DAY, and fell asleep on his own.  He’s starting to speak, copying everything we do, and is the best boy again.

It was a bad week.  I think that we combined overstimulation with being sick with a developmental leap, and it was a mess.  But things seem to be getting so much better.

It’s still pretty heartwrenching to drop him off at daycare.  We’re doing it super gradually, and today, being his fifth day there, he’ll stay for about two hours, and try to eat lunch there.   But he bawls the moment the door opens (although he’s still more than happy to ring the doorbell…) and is bawling when I pick him up.  However, I trust the woman taking care of him, and she tells me exactly how it went, and I know he’ll get used to it.  I’m grateful that we can go as slowly as he needs, that I don’t have reservations about his dagplejemor.  It will be okay.  It will get better, just like it’s better now than it was last week.

And when it does get better, Andreas is taking a day off, and we’re going to go ON A DATE, and I’m really, really excited about that.  Plus, a friend I haven’t gotten to see since before the holidays is coming this afternoon with her son, and I’m really looking forward to catching up, and talking about things with someone other than Andreas 😉  Now let’s see if I can find a cake I want to bake before it’s time to go pick Theo up!

Now just a couple photos, since I know I’ve been stingy with them latey 😉

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Hopes for 2015

I don’t have any resolutions for 2015.

I usually have a couple, a few things I want to focus on or work on.  But right now is not the right time for me to make a resolution.  If anything, my resolution is to make it through.

2015 is bringing big changes to my life.  Again.  I can’t tell you how many times my Life has Changed over the last several years.  The first big changes was heading off to college from the shelter of my parents’ house.  The next, meeting Andreas.  Then graduating, getting married, getting a real job, moving to Sweden, moving to Denmark, and having Theo.  Every change has been something to look forward to, something I really, really wanted.  But since Theo was born, I’ve been home with him, and while I wouldn’t say things have been exactly stale, I haven’t really felt the “on the verge of change” feeling in a while.

But it’s back.  Theo is starting daycare on Monday, at a nice in-home daycare nearby, and I’m on the job hunt for real.  Not that I wasn’t trying before, but now that Theo will be away from home, I’m really feeling the pressure to be employed.  But this time, I’m not excited about the change.  That glow of anticipation–the something’s-going-to-be-better-now-than-it-was-before feeling is missing.    My life is changing now, but this time, I almost don’t want it to.

It’s not that I’m not excited about the prospect of working.  I’m actually looking forward to a new job, starting to work in Denmark, possibly really starting a career, etc.  It’s also necessary.  I need to have been working for a while before we start thinking about a small brother or sister for our Theo, and I’m also hoping it will be another opportunity to meet people and start friendships her ein Denmark.

But at this point, before it all happens, I’m dreading it.  I’m mourning the life I’ve had the last year and a half.  It’s the end of an era.  It’s the end of Theo and me–buddies–together–home–play dates.  It’s what’s right, and what we need to do, but it’s just not something I’m excited about.

I know it’s a bit silly, but part of me feels like this also marks the end of the upswing of my life.  Everything up until now has just been getting better and better (with the exception of middle school), and now maybe it won’t be like that anymore. Or maybe I’m just trying to find bigger reasons to be this sad, than just that I don’t get to spend every one of Theo’s waking moments with him.  But in all honesty, that’s totally reason enough to be this sad.

But anyway, onto hopes!

Instead of resolutions, I’m having hopes for 2015.  I already know that I’m going to work as hard as I can towards the things that I want, so I’m going to put my hoping efforts into it too. I hope I’ll get a job–one that I’m thankful for, and enjoy.  I hope Theo will do well in daycare.  I hope we make a trip to the US so I can see my family.  I hope to build some new friendships, but more importantly, keep up the ones I already have.

Andreas and I were talking just before bed yesterday, sort of realizing together how different our entire life might look next year at this time.  And while it’s scary right now, while I’m on the verge of everything, thinking about the new changes gradually becoming our daily life makes me just a little calmer.

Welcome, 2015

Welcome, 2015!