Just like all the kids last week with their crisp, new backpacks and un-scrawled-in notebooks, I, too, started school last week.
Not “real” school, I guess, but I started up my Danish classes again, this time Module 6, which is what you have to take to get into university programs in Danish. The exams I’ll go through at the end of the program will actually mean something to people other than my fellow expats and immigrants. It’ll “count”. And I’m excited!
But excited doesn’t mean “not nervous”. Quite the opposite. And hence, I worried. I went a week without a good nights’ sleep. I was worrying for myself, like I’d worried for myself for the first day of school 17 years in a row. My stomach roiled while I tossed myself around in bed, but this time, it roiled a bit extra.
For the first time, I wasn’t only worrying for myself. I wasn’t only worried about getting myself up, out of bed, and out the door on time without forgetting to brush my teeth. Because now I have two sets of teeth to remember to brush. So I prepped all that I could, picking out everyone’s outfits a day in advance and packing my lunch (and feeling 11 years old while I did). But there are still meltdowns over socks because there are molars shouldering their way into Theo’s poor two-year-old mouth, and there are tantrums that must be had.
And in those days before classes started, there was really nothing I could do to still the nervous flutters. I knew it was going to be really hard initially. I knew it was going to get better, too, but somehow that never really helps. But, after starting my second week, it’s started to get better.
The first week went fine. I get up before Theo does to get myself ready then wake him up (much earlier than he’s used to). So far, it’s been going great. Theo hasn’t been much grumpier in the mornings, despite the early wake-up call (which is probably helped by a more strict, slightly earlier bedtime). We’ve gotten out of the door in really great time every morning, so I never have to rush the drop-off.
My fears about the rest of the class all knowing each other in advance dissipated immediately, and as an added bonus, there’s several of us with small kids at home. Everyone has been really sweet, and it’s been really nice to have some new people to chat with, and to feel like I’m a part of a little something again.
So far, it’s been positive. And there are days where my eyelids droop, and I can’t say I have anything but dread for biking through all of the kids on their way to school. But there’s pros and cons to everything, and even though it’s so difficult sometimes to face changes, no matter how big or small in life, it feels good, in the end, to be moving forward, and taking at least a step in some direction.